ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
