I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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