I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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