Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize