stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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