So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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