She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
