Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
