I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
