do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize