Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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