Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
