It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
