i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My liver just broke up with me...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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