You can't motorboat a personality
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize