Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
