Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
vagina is talking i cant
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
