so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
