What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
