Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
