Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
