If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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