tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm passing your future prison.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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