Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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