btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
