this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
