dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm at about main and main street
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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