I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is the high leading the old right now
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
