she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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