Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The feeling are messing with the penis
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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