I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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