My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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