I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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