Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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