I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let's get the cat blown out
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
