12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize