I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
