my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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