They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
