Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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