This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
