i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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