You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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