I wish i was in the wii world.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
