I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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