she was so not down for the gang bang
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
