She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
