tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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