i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was like eating out sand paper
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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