I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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