Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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