He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
