I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
