I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
