franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
