Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
