doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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