i would punch a child for taco bell
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
