I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
