come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
