Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
