Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize