Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize