why do cheetos always look like penises
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
