i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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