that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
