last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
