1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
