Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
