as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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