That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
