I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
