woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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