Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
